Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The New Film, or whatever.

So apparently I am starting work on a new film. I got a little tipsy at a press junket for one of my stunning fragrance creations (or was it a non-TF party?) and 'spilled the beans,' as they say.

Naturally, because I am Tom Ford, this was blogged and tweeted and retweeted and Facebooked and MySpaced (although, if you still use MySpace, I'd rather you stop reading this blog - you're tainting it with profile glitter and BaD sPeLlInG).

I woke up the next day (naked, tan and wrapped in fox fur, as per usual) and had a small panic attack; I had no idea what the film was going to be about.

I raced to my capacious bookshelves; scanning for something, anything I could use as material.

"Bruce Weber? No. It'd be about a fat man who gets off on taking naked pics of hotties. Kate Moss? I think we'd run out of coke. Karl Lagerfeld? Angry old coot already has like seven movies about him. Maybe Naomi Campbell? No, the legal fees would be astronomical."

I paced around the living room, waiting for the inspiration to hit me. Richard wandered out of the kitchen and tried to get me to eat breakfast.

"Tom, you need to eat. You get bitchy when you're hungry."
"Richard, please close your robe. Your chest hair is offensive."

So what did I do? I took a magnum of Veuve out to the back patio, grabbed my iPad, and started writing about my life. Because, you know, I lived it. I know about it. Well, there are some fuzzy years... But I can embellish.

I drafted a script in a few hours (it's amazing what you can recall from the depths of your memory with a little Veuve) and currently, the pool boys are running through the lines. There might be nothing on this earth as beautiful as a bunch of fit gentlemen in Tom Ford swimwear lounging about and reading lines about Studio 54 and how Gucci didn't have paper in the fax machine when I showed up.

I tried to fly Jon out for the weekend so we could really get into character... But he said he had some fittings to do, shows to do... He's busy, I get it. I just, you know, wish I could see him more often....... That accent.... Those lips......

Where was I? Oh, film. Yes. The film's gonna be great. Go see it.

Friday, June 25, 2010

So maybe I was very, very bored.

Welcome to my blog, beautiful people.

Here I shall blog about things that interest me. You know - chrome, velvet, abdominal muscles, tanning, sartorialism, and pool boys.

For our first segment, (see, I'm already good at this whole 'film' business) let's have a Q&A. Ask me anything. I think I have a lot of useful advice to bequeath to the beautiful people of this world... Like how to remove tanning lotion from leather harnesses.

So, ask away. Email me. I dare you.